Every week I conduct a live online forum with Aussie teenage girls via the GirlForce website and there’s no doubt the most frequently asked questions and debates are about friendships.

Friends are without doubt the most complex and absorbing subject for most teenage girls – and most likely for their parents.  So much love, hate, adoration, despair, rejection, acceptance, fun and silliness devoted to this topic.  For good or bad, friends are basically the central focus in most teenage girls’ lives.  They can be a great influence and enormously supportive… but they can also be wickedly divisive and nasty.  A girl can go from being a strong and valued part of a group to sitting at lunch on her own in the space of a day.  It’s tough, and with bullying really reaching epidemic proportions, this is a hot topic.  This first comment below is a long one to read, but is one of the most amazingly insightful accounts of the negative dynamics of female friendship and a testament to how tough it can be in that schoolyard.

Georgia 13 NSW

Well...there is this girl at my school called Amy. She always acts so innocent and "cute", but she is actually a manipulative bully. You see, she has "favourites". This involves her sub-consciously selecting one person out of our group (her new favourite), because she either considers them hilarious, cute or just decides she loves them. She then confides in that person for a few weeks, telling them all about her fabulous boyfriend and EVERYTHING that happens when she goes on dates with him, or she'll tell them all about how much she hates this person and how much she thinks that person is a bitch etc, etc. She'll invite them over all the time for sleepovers and to go see her boyfriend. She excludes everyone else in the group when she has "private" conversations (e.g. about her boyfriend) with her favourite. For example, if the group was all sitting together eating lunch, she'd stand up, make her favourite stand up, then whisper in her ear, "come to the locker room with me", then take her favourite's hand and run off to the locker room, only to tell her favourite about how excited she is about her date with her boyfriend. And when people stand up to her and say they feel excluded etcetera, a massive fight would erupt. She'd then realise that she was "over" her favourite, and find some excuse to ditch them and exclude them in everything. She did this to one of my friends, Rachel: they were practically best friends, when Amy claimed that Rachel was using her (because she realised that she was "over" Rachel). They had this massive fight (over MSN), and all of a sudden, Rachel was forced out of the group by Amy. Rachel is not in our group anymore; Amy turned everyone against her. Rachel never comes to the group's social events, and Amy is ALWAYS bitching about how much of a bitch and whore Rachel is. This is the typical cycle of Amy.   I would also like to take this opportunity to talk about another "friend" of mine: Megan. Megan is known for being funny. But recently, I have realised that she is actually not that funny: most of her jokes offend others. On the bus on the way to Netball training, she randomly said I "always look like a zombie". She then said "I'm sorry, but it's true...you always have these massive bags under your eyes and you always look dead." This really offended me - she is aware that I am very self-conscious and that I believe myself to be ugly (but I mainly think I'm ugly because of her remarks.)What also offended me was that she said it in front of everyone, belittling me and embarrassing me. I felt like I couldn't stand up to her, because I was convinced that what she said was true. Numerous times, she has also that I am flat-chested in front of the group. One day, she was telling everyone about how she went shopping for a bra with her mum, and how the bra fit her perfectly. She then said, "I'm so glad that I can fit into a bra, unlike some unfortunate people," she then looked at me and said, "such as Alice." Yes, I was aware that my boobs weren't too big, but I didn't need to be once again embarrassed in front of everyone. Everyone started laughing after she said that. I didn't know what to do or say. I get so shy when she picks on me.

Anonymous 15 NSW
Friends r forever, guys r whenever, when worse comes to worst, my girls come first.

Froggie 13 SA
Friends are the best things in the world. Never underestimate the power of a friend. They have the same comforting feeling as a block of chocolate, they will help you with any problem you have (especially with self-esteem issues)and are better than a boyfriend any day. Never forget your friends and even the biggest fight can never overpower the greatest memories. It’s amazing what a block of chocolate, a whole lot of ice cream, Johnny Depp movies and a friend can do to cheer you up. This is dedicated to all my friends. Fishy, Hannah, Chelsea O, Chelsea D, Gabby, Ozzie, Alice, Darcy and James.(Darcy and Gabby, you guys are perfect for each other.)You all are the best and I'll never forget you. You are the best friends I could've wished for and I wish all the girls in the world to be as lucky as I am. luv u all, from froggie xxx

Emma 13 QLD
Hey, I’m a bit how should i say... confused? losing my mind??? Well I have a large group of friends... in that group of friends I have 5 close friends. Lately my friends have been bitching about each other behind their backs to me. I can't stand it! I don't want to hurt anyone's feeling by telling anyone so I have kept it all to myself and it is putting a lot of pressure and stress on me. I don't know what to do. Please help!!

Sophie 15 New Zealand
It’s funny how you can tell the difference between real friends and toxic friends by just a few comments that they make and their attitude. It makes you think that if someone is saying things to you they probably feel that way about themselves and the only way to vent their own insecurities is to take it out on you!!!! Ditch those girls they’re no good!

Sasha 14 NSW
“Hi guys!”, I said to my friends. "Hey, what’s with your outfit?", they greeted me. And there, it happened again. My confidence gone in a flash. My happy mood turned sour. All coz of a comment over my clothes. So y do girls say these things to each other, even when they r friends? I've done it too, coz I was jealous. I think that’s y all of us do it. But if it’s us in the spot, we get upset or angry and start feeling bad about ourselves. Well, I realised a while ago that it's not the way to go. That I should stop worrying about these little things and either ignore it maturely or if i can't resist, reply back. But one thing I'm sure of now is myself. I get dressed and act the way I'm happy with. I don’t really care what others think…whether that’s good or not I don’t know. But I'm happy with it.

Kelsey 15 VIC
I live for my family and gorgeous friends, I couldn't live without them!

Anonymous 13 SA
I hate the fact that friends have treated me badly, and hurt me but what I hate more is the fact that I let them hurt in the first place.

Brittany 17 NSW
As a teenager I think we are often faced with some form of pressure to look a certain way or be a certain person. And yes, at times I have felt as though I have not lived up to peoples expectations of me. However I have learnt after 17 years that if u simply surround yourself with people who love you the way you are these pressures don’t stand up to anything and it is quite easy to palm them off. I have a best friend that is the most supportive person in the world, I have a boyfriend that excepts every part of me as a part of my unique individuality, and it is these people who allow me to be who I am. So forget about that hot boy in ur class and that popular girl who is so self obsessed it isn’t funny, find someone who truly excepts you for you, and chances are the pressures u all sometimes feel will fade away!

Anonymous 12 QLD
I hate it how people that are more popular than you, think that they have a right to tease you about your appearance!! Its not fair that they're mean and for no apparent reason! There are girls at my school that think they're better than everybody else just because they're prettier, and richer!! I used to be in the "popular group" and I left because people were teasing me because I wasn't as good looking as some of them. Now I have a new group of friends and they're the best friends I've ever had. I'm still friends with some of the girls, and guys in that group, but I’m feeling much better about my self, now that I have proper friends!!

Bette-Rose 12 QLD
My best friend and I have this thing we do I say something nice about her she has to say something nice about me. That way we both feel great amd have fantastic self-esteem.

Sarah 14 New Zealand
You can change the way you look with commitment, support and by beleving in yourself. You can’t however change your personality. If you need to act different around your friends because they wouldn’t like you if you were being you, they aren’t your real friends. Friends are people that help you through hard times and laugh with you. They like you for who you are, not who you used to be, or who you will become. So whoever you are whatever you look like, stand strong and enjoy life while it lasts.

Anonymous 15 QLD
Boys are like buses there's always one to follow, but your friends are there for life so keep them close!

Tamara 13 SA
With my friends they'll sometimes get jealous when I have a boyfriend which means I have to chose him or them. I always chose my friends but all my relationships are ending because of them. I don't know how to react to them I know friends should nearly always have 1st priority but at this rate I’ll never have a steady boyfriend.

Anonymous 15 WA
I recently went through a tough time in my life but instead of turning towards alcohol and drugs I turned to my friends. Our friendship has become so much stronger because of that. I will never regret telling them everything it was the best thing I have ever done. It made me feel more sure about myself and gave me the strength to pull through yet another day. so please take my advice, tell your friends what’s on your mind, tell them the truth stop lying to yourself and to others

Anonymous 14 NSW
Choose friends based on their personality not their popularity… popularity doesn't always mean that everyone likes you

Bridget 13 QLD
I love my body, but sometimes there is so much pressure to look a certain way; MOST OF THIS PRESSURE COMES FROM MY FRIENDS!! They say I’m flat chested - which I know I am - except I just don't think friends should make other friends feel really bad about themselves!!!

Anonymous 15 NSW
I’m at a stage at the moment where a lot of my friends have turned against me just because I’m friends with someone else. I guess now I realise that they weren’t true friends, but backstabbers. True friends will always stay by your side, and my advice to anyone who’s reading this is, never listen to what people say, do what YOU want to do and have fun with your life. You only live once, live it to the full.

Tegan 13 VIC
I feel that bitchiness is taking over the world, you can no longer go out and just have fun cos people are constantly judging others. I just wish that people would keep their comments to themselves so that the rest of us can get on with life and enjoy it. I think it's pathetic that girls constantly want to start fights and just be bitches to other girls, and then they go and brag about it. This world will be a much better place when people grow up and just be mates.

Anonymous 12 New Zealand
I think that I don’t have a very good friend , She teases me about my pimples , my hair , my clothes , and she does anything to shame me. I don’t know what to do. She keeps reminding the boy I like that I like him but if I do the same thing to her she tells every one in my class that and last year they hated me. I don’t like my pimples and my back-side is too big and my belly is too big. I feel like I’m going to burst into tears

Rachel 16 NSW
I find its hard that you need to always have something wrong otherwise girls think your up yourself and love yourself too much when really your just happy with who you are....

Jodie 13 NSW
Hey peoplz who read this, I just really wanna say that my friends totally and utterly rock! They've helped me through tough times and stood by me. Everyone who doesn’t have friends, get out there and snatch some up, cause friends are awesome, inspiring and they so rock!

Sandy 15 NT
I may not have the best grades, the best looks, the best clothes, and be the most popular, but I think I have the best friends and family. In front of my family, I can show that I am responsible and then in front of my friends I can muck around, so there is a balance in my life, but no matter what, I'm always happy when I'm with them. There are many things I'd like to change about my life and the way I look, but I'd never trade away my family and friends.